Two ears and one mouth – use them in that proportion
When discussion comes up around behaviour patterns of older children, it’s usually around the 8 year mark that the difficult patches seem to start. Of course it’s different for every child and every family. And no one denies that adolescence can be an ongoing challenge.
Whatever the age group it’s understandable that some children resist a nanny and are first up very unhappy about having someone else look after them. They may have met the nanny only once, they can see that mum and dad are not home, and it’s mostly fear of the unknown.
So creating that rapport is vital. Sometimes it doesn’t come easily or quickly. We have to work harder at some things in life and relationships I think fall into that category, no matter what age we are.
So from a nanny’s point of view we have to accept the possibility of a rough road to start with.
I have a couple of basic rules that work for me and I have possibly written about these before in various situations.
Be friendly and smile. Even the most challenging child really just needs just to know that you love being with them. They deserve that. In those fast growing bodies it’s sometimes hard for them to understand what’s really happening, in body and mind.
Remember your professional duties. Nannies are there to care for, nurture and educate their charges, amongst many other roles. Do that to the best of your ability no matter what is thrown at you (hopefully not literally!).
Only one person speaks at a time. So mutual respect and good manners whether it’s between siblings or child and nanny. I once heard a saying ‘we have two ears and one mouth – use them in that proportion’. I love it and use it whenever I can. Listening is an important skill to have.
You have to keep a calm and low voice. If you show that you’re upset by the situation, then that’s a step backwards. You also need to save your big guns for when they are really needed, and by that I mean when safety comes into question. By all means be loud and urgent when it really matters and the child will take note.
Don’t dictate. Give the child choices so that s/he can make her/his own decisions. You have control over what options which are offered, the child has control of what happens next. It’s a win/win.
Keep the end goal in mind at all times – eventually you will have a child who is glad to see you when you arrive, and maybe now and then who even runs to hug you.
Great rewards take great efforts – most of the time.
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