Yes/no questions invariably resulted in tears (for me!)
We all need to live our own lives and make our own decisions. Relationships are better when we respect each other’s point of view and the life choices we each make.
As toddlers discover their own needs and wants there are often battles along the way as they assert their rights and develop their own personalities.
I remember a tip from one of my supports was to always present two options if you know a fight was on the horizon. I tried to avoid the yes/no questions, which invariably resulted in tears (for me!). So it might have been ‘do you want a bed time story first or do you want to brush your teeth?’ It seemed to work for a while at least.
As kids grow older I think we spend time explaining why it might be a good idea to do what mum or dad asks. The trust between parent and child helps the child to accept the request.
As they approach teens it’s a different story altogether. And just as when they were babies, what works for one, will not necessarily work for another.
The no force approach works for me. I think it’s really important to help the young adult see there are choices, that there are consequences for all decisions, and it’s up to them to make that choice. Mistakes and failure are learning opportunities.
Keeping a calm voice is always an asset. I’ve found that the more you push, the less you get. Save the big guns for when they are really needed; don’t sweat the small stuff.
Your nanny probably has more experience in this area that anyone else you know. Make sure you set aside regular time to chat together and share knowledge, and your kids will be the benficiairies.
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